


Why you?

by writeasoph



Series: Sad Septiplier [1]
Category: Septiplier - Fandom, jacksepticeye, markiplier - Fandom, youtube - Fandom
Genre: Cheesy, Fluff, Love, M/M, Markiplier - Freeform, Off-screen Relationship(s), Sean McLoughlin - Freeform, Septiplier - Freeform, Ship, jacksepticeye - Freeform, love letter, mark fischbach mentioned, may or may not be about real life, thank you
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-10
Updated: 2016-05-07
Packaged: 2018-05-25 22:40:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6213007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writeasoph/pseuds/writeasoph
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack writes a letter to Mark that he knows he'll never have the heart to send.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Why you?

Why did I have to have feelings for you? Out of the probable 200 people I know in my life, why you? Maybe it's because you pay me the most attention. Maybe it's because you always to check if I'm okay. Or you can see when I want to be alone. You know me better than I know myself. You're the source of my addictions: music, RWBY, YouTube, writing and drawing. I've always wanted to be like you. I don't care about your background, as long as you are the same person that I think you are, I love you. I can't help it. I wish I didn't. It's going to ruin everything and break my heart.  
The music speaks to me, you know? The random song that comes on my shuffle just reflects my situation. Sure, it could be a coincidence, except those don't exist. I suppose I'm exaggerating but it doesn't feel that way. God, I wish I had a chance with you. To feel your lips against mine, to be able to make you feel safe and loved. It's all I want to do. 

Everything about you is perfect in my eyes. I don't care what you do to your hair, it's still fabulous. What you do to your body is your business and I'll love every part of it, no matter what. Piercings, tattoos nothing would turn me away.

All my friends know. They can all see the way I look at you. I'm going to tell you today.

 

Why did I do that? Why did I think that was a good idea? Was I really that deluded with love that I thought I would stand a chance? Now it's awkward and I'm stuck in an abyss whilst you talk about her like she's the one. I appreciate you still though, the way you didn't care and said I was the prettiest person at school. I know you were lying to make me feel better or that it was just in your opinion but I still won't believe it. Thanks for not making it awkward and I'm sorry for what comes out of my mouth. I'm sorry that my friends ship us and that they push me into you because they want it to happen. They just want to help, they can't see that it doesn't.  
I am happy for you. She seems wonderful. I don't really mind that she's with you. Seeing you happy makes me happy. I would say I couldn't ask for more, but that's not really true, is it? You can't see our friends giving you dirty looks whilst you talk about her, but I don't mind. I would never want to ruin your happiness. 

I thought I had gotten over you. The music stopped talking about you. You only entered my thoughts momentarily, rather than all the time. My sleeping pattern resumed. But I saw you again today. You paid me attention. You held my hand again. I was happy again. You are really one of the only things that make me smile. I could nearly cry right now, just thinking about your smile as you look at me. Now I am crying. This is all how this thing started. I thought and wondered about you too much. I 'What If..." too much. Then I fell. Now I'm back to how I was before, thinking about you. I want to feel your hand in mine again. I want to feel your kiss on my forehead again, that you did in the spur of the moment. You did it twice on that day. I don't know if you did it for a reason or not. I don't know now and to be honest, I don't think I ever will. You only did it that day. Was that day special to you?

I was so close to letting go, but now it's all come back. The feels man, the feels. You would laugh at that if you read this. I hope you never do. Maybe if by some miracle I manage to earn you as my own one day, I'll send you the link. Maybe you're reading this now. My tears have stopped now and there's a smile on my face. I can imagine your look of shock and the brief hug after it. 

But it won't happen. So I don't know why I'm smiling. If you find this and I'm not yours and you're not mine, I don't know what I'll do. 

I want you bad. My heart aches at the thought. I wish I wasn't such a silly, lovesick romantic. No one will want me if I'm always like this. If someone serenaded me in song, I'd probably marry them at the word. 

I'm such a cliché. 

I'm going to wait for you. I know I should have given up but I'm hoping you move on. I still have that. Hope. Funny, it'll be long gone soon. I've only ever liked 3 people, including you. One was a dickhead who was a mistake. The other I got over when I saw there was no interest. I will still thank you for setting me up with the first one, though. Sure, you might have walked right up to him and told him I liked him, but you worked it out afterwards. And I learned from the experience. I can't repay you for that.

You're the one person that's actually stuck with me in this life. 4 years we've known each other. It took me nearly all that to fall for you. You showed me different sides of the world that I would never have seen without you. 

Thank you. You will never understand how much you mean to me.

I will always love you,

Jack


	2. I Knew You Were Trouble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark finds a letter to him from someone he's damaged beyond repair.

Mark,

Is it ironic now to say that I knew you were trouble? That I knew as soon as I figured my feelings out for you, that I was screwed. Totally and utterly screwed. I told myself that I didn't care, I'd go through hell anyway because the happy times would outweigh the bad and it'd be worth the experience. I wasn't wrong. It was fun, it was awful, it was everything. It was funny as fuck when I had to keep quiet because of your teasing. It was horrible when you ignored me and I felt like shit. I don't really think you even know how relationships work, do you? The person you're with is meant to be at the top of your priorities. You were always the top of mine. But once again, getting into this I knew you wouldn't be like that. I knew you'd get bored. I even told you that we could be open because I didn't really give a shit as long as I could be with you. We are teenagers for fuck's sake, why would I take this seriously? Like I keep saying, I knew it wouldn't last so I was just going to enjoy it whilst I could. You gave me so much shit and I took it all because I fucking loved you.   
I wish that I could just stop. I ended up crying in public. My best friend hadn't even seen me cry before and the only reason it happened was because of you. I didn't even think I was gay before you. You opened up my eyes and then trampled on them in so many ways. I used to think you were special because you understood me and seemed to care. You never did. You never cared. You don't give a shit.   
You just find someone to entertain you until you get bored and then you drop them like a rock.  
Oh wait actually I've cried twice because of you. Both on a bus, first time unnoticed, second time the complete opposite.   
First time I actually cried to I Knew You Were Trouble by Taylor fricken Swift. It just came up on shuffle until I actually listened to the lyrics properly once rather than listening to them absentmindedly. I realised that the song just describes you and nothing but. 

I guess you didn't care, and I guess I liked that

And when I fell hard you took a step back  
Without me

No apologies. He'll never see you cry,  
Pretends he doesn't know that he's the reason why.

And the saddest fear comes creeping in  
That you never loved me or her, or anyone, or anything, yeah

I knew you were trouble when you walked in  
So shame on me now

I knew your world moved too fast and burned too bright.   
But I just thought, how can the devil be pulling you toward someone who looks so much like an angel when he smiles at you? 

I don't even know how I feel about you anymore. You're such a dick but you're still one of my best friends. I don't feel like I can trust you anymore but in a way I knew I never could, so why did I in the first place? I was so naïve even though I thought I knew what I was doing. It just turns out that

The worst part of it all wasn't losing you.  
It was losing me.

 

 

 

Looking down upon the letter, Mark knew the amount of shit he was in. He'd made a massive mistake and now he just needed to fix it.  
Easier said than done.


End file.
